Who wrote the famous Charmin tagline?

In the wake of Mr. Whipple’s death, a dirty squabble has erupted over who wrote the line “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.” A pair of former Benton & Bowles scribes, Norman Schaut and John Chervokas, both claim to have penned the line in the early 1960s, perhaps while on leave from the Project Mercury program. By which I mean: This ain’t rocket science, gentlemen. And since I have no claim to fame whatsoever (beyond some traffic violations and a really nice Arrow shirt I snagged at T.J.’s), I can disparage your so-called claims to pop culture stardom as I see fit. I wrote “I’m lovin’ it,” by the way. Not the tagline, I wrote it once on a postcard during an especially memorable Yellowstone vacation. In related Charmin news (a transition I hope never to use again), Molly Shannon recently reopened 20 “fully-staffed” Charmin-branded public restrooms in New York’s Times Square. Couldn’t she just stay in the first one until she was finished? Fully staffed, huh? Where do I apply?! Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s something stuck to the bottom of my shoe. (Dirty squabble, get it? I know, my bathroom humor stinks.)

—Posted by David Gianatasio