I’ve taken the liberty of writing a script for the first Jerry Seinfeld spot for Microsoft’s big upcoming campaign. I set it against a white background. Seinfeld is dressed like Justin Long from the Apple ads. Bill Gates plays the John Hodgman character. Because associating Microsoft with Apple can only help.
Gates: Jerry Seinfeld! I haven’t seen you since your show went off the air 10 years ago.
Seinfeld: That’s true, Bill Gates. Now, I’m just a rich has-been aging ungracefully in public.
Gates: I know the feeling.
(canned laughter; doorbell rings)
Seinfeld: There’s our pizza!
(Gates carries in a big pizza that looks like the colored spinning wheel that appears when OS X is overtaxed.)
Gates: Remind you of anything, Jer?
Seinfeld: Whoa! That looks just like Apple’s pinwheel of death. The
one you get when OS X is overtaxed. Man, I hate when that happens. Your
computer won’t run, and you have to restart. I guess we’ll just have to
live with it.
Gates (opening a window onto a view of rolling mountains and
streams): Not anymore! With Windows Vista, it’s always a sunny day!
(Huge Vista logo drops from above amid balloons and streamers as
choir sings, audience applauds. Gates and Seinfeld hug platonically in
U.S. version, more passionately and with light kissing for European
markets. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
If that doesn’t do the trick, they can always cast Steve Ballmer as
Kramer. Judging by this audition video from Microsoft’s CEO, he
wouldn’t be half bad.
—Posted by David Gianatasio