Visa Vividly Explains Why Flowers and Perfume Are Actually Horrible Gifts for Valentine’s Day

Don’t buy another bouquet of genitals

Is it just us, or are the Valentine’s Day ads this year a little sick of simpering sweetness? Hard to say. But in yet another set of spots deriding the long, lazy tradition of giving your loved one flowers or whatever, Visa tosses its own solution into the mix: Get a prepaid gift card and call it a day.

Impact BBDO Dubai reinforces this by appealing to your logic. A detached, amused voice tells you what stock V-day gifts actually are, then compels the question: Why do we do this at all?

First off, flowers. Let’s cut the nonsense and call them what they are.

On to perfume. I love the smell of whale vomit, baby poo and deer discharge in the morning.

Lastly, there’s teddy bears. We knew this story already, but it succeeds least well in conveying its message about the weirdness of humans. Are you cuddling Teddy Roosevelt at night, or the bashed-in bear he refused to kill?

The ad makes the argument for the president, but the bearishness of a teddy bear makes this more confusing than off-putting.

If these actually were the gifts you had in mind, and now you’re wringing your hands, hopeless and certainly condemned to be alone forever, Visa handily plugs its prepaid gift cards so your loved one can buy their own flowers, perfume or bears. Or something less horrid.

In case you’re still open to suggestions, maybe skip this entire commercial exercise entirely. Go old-school and make a mixtape. People love mixtapes.