Pickens puts his mouth where his money is

Tboone The problem with T. Boone Pickens’ campaign to make America less dependent on foreign oil (a campaign that’s riled up NBC’s networks) is its reliance on T. Boone Pickens. I keep accidentally typing Slim Pickens while writing this—it’s driving me nuts! If T.B.P. wants to run for president, just run! Run like that other drawling rich guy Perot, and lose in the election like he did. Look, I’m not a billionaire, so I can’t afford to buy ads on TV just to see my own face on the screen. But if I were a billionaire, I’d drive my yacht into my mansion and keep my big yap shut. Yes, the yacht would be inside the mansion—deal with it! You’re a billionaire, Pickens, so just uncap your oil well and buy us some gas. C’mon, Slim, gimme some money! (Wow, Frosted Flakes really do give you long-lasting energy! They sure fueled this rant. Hey, maybe we can get a more efficient fuel from corn. See, Pickens, we’re on the same page!)

—Posted by David Gianatasio