Hey, Chevy’s holding a Super Bowl ad contest! I’m not a full-time college student, but I’d like to enter anyway. Here’s what I have in mind: Wide angle as Chevy Aveo roars down a majestic canyon road, bald eagles soaring overhead. Inside the cab, a hand snaps on the radio. Music: “If you believe in love, let’s get it on.” Various views of the vehicle—hubcaps gleaming, radiator grille reflecting the golden rays of the sun—as it speeds across Arctic fjords, kicks up sand in the Mojave Desert and deftly navigates the concrete canyons of Manhattan. Quarter-second splice: A 1950s-style housewife holds up a steaming casserole. Quarter-second splice: A tongue licks milk from rouged lips. Quarter-second splice: The housewife, now attired in sequined slacks and halter top. Quarter-second splice: The American flag, waving proud. Stephen Colbert nods knowingly. Back in the Mojave, the truck stops at a dusty gas station with antiquated pumps out front. Close-up: The passenger door opens, and a shapely leg in fishnets takes one step down from the cab. Close-up on driver: It’s Bill Clinton, smiling wide, winking at the camera. Quick cut: Throbbing techno blares on the soundtrack, as the Chevy zips through the Holland Tunnel, dazzlingly lit in phosphorescent red, white and blue. There’s no other traffic around. Quick cut: King Kong vanquishes Godzilla and destroys the Nissan plant in Tokyo. “Mission accomplished,” Kong says. Closing shot: The truck parked on Waikiki beach at dusk, its hubcaps tickled by the gently rolling foam from the sea. Headlamps illuminate a luau with bronzed bombshells munching poi from smiley-face bowls. Clinton and Colbert nod knowingly. Breathless Demi Moore V/O: “Chevy … drive hard.” Too subtle? Cue it up for YouTube. UPDATE: I would also like to enter this Doritos contest. With the same spot I described for Chevy, except everyone in it will now be shown eating Doritos. And the voiceover will be: “Doritos … mmm, tasty!” And in the Doritos version, we naturally scrap the Chevy for a Hummer. Kong destroying Nissan is still valid. Unless Nissan also has a Super Bowl contest. In which case he can just stomp on Hyundai.
—Posted by David Gianatasio