Paris already needs new campaign adviser

As you’ve probably heard by now, the first advertising response to John McCain’s much-maligned campaign ad comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears has come from Ms. Hilton herself (not Mrs. Hilton, who spoke out earlier). As amusing as the Funny Or Die video is, it’s even more amusing how the media is responding to it. McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds says Hilton is clearly supporting McCain’s “all of the above” energy policy, while The New Republic put her energy plan through a fact-check and found it lacking. As long as we’re considering the feasibility of Prez. Paris, I’d like to point out that Rihanna, whom she wants as her vice president, was born in Barbados and is therefore ineligible. Further complicating the matter, Rihanna is currently a captive of some Goths in denial who want to bring the world back to the ’90s via a remake of Reznor’s “Closer.” Paris would do better choosing Rihanna’s boyfriend, Chris Brown—a good Virginia boy from Tappahannock. UPDATE: Gianatasio weighs in after the jump.

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

Somehow, John McCain has managed to accomplish what most of us believed impossible: He’s transformed Paris Hilton, at least for the current news cycle, into the most sympathetic, influential and articulate political figure in the nation. In the process, he’s branded himself a buffoon. Forget debating Barack Obama, he’s already lost a war of words to Paris Hilton! If Big Mac and Blonde Ambition met in a debate, McCain would be toast the first time Paris purred, “I’m hot.” In his ad dismissing Barack Obama as a celebrity with little substance, McCain forgot one vital point: Americans love celebrities! And the shockingly on-point Hilton response ad underscores just how clueless McCain appears to be. Look: Barack’s got Obama Girl and Paris Hilton! It’s time for McCain change his media tactics. As Paris points out, Johnny Mac isn’t remotely “hot,” so a sex tape is out. Way out. However, if Ms. Hilton has any more of those lying around, well … that’s what YouTube’s for. God bless America!

—Posted by David Gianatasio