The next big bestseller, starring you

ConfessionsHey, all you six-figure ecds and CCOs who’ve been too busy directing your top client’s cereal and TP campaigns to write the great American novel. Here’s a shortcut: Buy your way into one. The First Amendment Project is holding an auction, via eBay, that offers bidders the chance to place their name in upcoming works by a number of bestselling authors. Andrew Sean Greer, author of the recently released Confessions of Max Tivoli, is auctioning off the opportunity for a name to be used as part of a small town storefront. How about: “Kirshenbaum’s Creamery” or “Silver’s Salon”? Stephen King’s work “Cell,” the author writes on eBay, will use a man or woman’s name, “but a buyer who wants to die must in this case be female. In any case, I’ll require physical description of auction winner, including any nickname (can be made up, I don’t give a rip)." For those of you with your own publicists, John Grisham promises, “Your name will be portrayed in a good light.” And for those with a sense of humor about your careers, Stardust author Neil Gaiman offers a place on a gravestone for your moniker. And if you’d rather make up a name, don’t get too ribald. Michael Chabon and Dave Eggers, among others, reserve the right to refuse to use it if it’s “offensive” or “disruptive to the narrative.” Bidding dates vary by author but the program kicks off on Sept. 1.

—Posted by Deanna Zammit