Do you love Red Lobster? Would you accompany a stranger to one of the seafood chain's locations in the greater New York area?
You might just be the woman this Brooklyn man is seeking.
In a (likely joke) Craigslist post, a self-described "vaguely normal dude" writes that he is looking for a woman to join him for one meal at the "nation's best seafood restaurant chain." Posted in the site's personals section under "Man Seeking Woman," the rather lengthy ad is either a tongue-in-cheek jab at Red Lobster or the most gutsy guerrilla marketing we've seen in quite some time.
Could the pun-filled post have come from the marketing department at Red Lobster parent Golden Gate Capital? The salty language suggests not, but it does make note of the chain's current Lobsterfest promotion. And the company has been having fun on social lately, capitalizing on its shoutout in Beyoncé's latest song, "Formation."
Read the full ad below.
Man Seeking Woman: I'm looking for a lady to go to Red Lobster with me (Park Slope)
Hi there! I'm a vaguely normal dude who is looking for a woman to go and eat one (1) meal with me at a Red Lobster in the Tri-State Region. You can choose the location. I'll even come to Connecticut or New Jersey!
I know what you're thinking. It's probably something like, "This idiot is trying to use fresh seafood, delicious cheddar biscuits and exotic frozen cocktails as an in-roads to bone me."
Not true! I would never use nosh from the nation's best seafood restaurant chain as a tactic to get in your knickers. I wouldn't bait you like that. (Get it? Bait? Because you use bait to catch fish and other edible sea-faring creatures? SEA what I did there?!)
Of course, I'm not ruling out going on future dates or potentially making sweet, passionate love after the meal has adequately digested, but I assure you any sort of relationship or even interaction beyond the meal's conclusion is not expected.
All you need me to do is meet me at the agreed-upon franchise location, and share a meal with me during which we take several photos and maybe even a video or two of us making the best of our voyage to Red Lobster.
The only stipulation is that you've got to be cool with me sharing these photos to my various social media outlets.
Why would I want to do this?
Beyonce recently released the song "Formation," which includes these lyrics: "When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, 'cause I slay."
As a single man, I currently have nobody to fuck good (or bad, for that matter), and I would like to change that!
Well, by posting these pictures of you and me crushing biscuits and cracking crab legs at Red Lobster, people will potentially perceive that we have recently fucked real good, like, good enough for you to take me to Red Lobster!
And perception is 90 percent of reality, right?
To sweeten the deal: It's currently LOBSTERFEST, the bangin' limited promotion when the restaurant offers the year's largest variety of lobster dishes. We can order menu items dubbed Dueling Lobster Tails, or Lobster Lover's Dream! If that doesn't ring your cherries, I don't get it. (Unless of course you're allergic to seafood, in which case I totally get it. You can still come to The Lobster with me if you want, but I'd advise bringing an EpiPen.)
The meal includes an appetizer, entree AND dessert. I'm not rich or anything, but I did just join the Fresh Catch Club, which netted me a coupon for a free app or dessert with the purchase of two adult entrees. We can splurge, is what I'm saying.
So, if you're into my deal and would like to dine across the table from me at a place where you can truly "Sea Food Differently," please contact me with your preferred Red Lobster franchise location, and your favorite menu item.
Oh, and serious inquiries only. Don't message me some shit about how we live in/around New York City where there's so much better food to be had than Red Lobster. Don't be such a snob. If it's good enough for Beyonce and Jay Z, it's more than good enough for us!
Top photo: Getty Images