Men are clueless brutes desperately in need of guidance when it comes to grooming. So, L'Oréal Men is offering up a new character, the Expert, to help out with a few totally practical self-presentation tips. Think Naked Gun's Leslie Nielsen meets 007's Roger Moore, with a social-media twist. Time for a new Facebook profile picture? Use a little Photoshop wizardry to prove that you bravely rode an armored elephant through a volcanic Egyptian-jungle war zone. Need a shave? Use your iPhone. Confused as to how this promotes L'Oréal's products? No, you're not. It makes perfect sense. In the first video below, L'Oréal also appears to be mocking Dove's celebrated anti-retouching "Real Beauty" campaign from some five years back, though it isn't clear why. And it's tough for any male beauty brand to introduce a dashing, over-the-top ideal of masculinity these days without smelling a bit like the Old Spice guy. Unfortunately, the campaign's Facebook page is restricted to users in the U.K. and Ireland, where the brand is launching new products. So, only they can beg the Expert's guidance on sophisticated dilemmas like whether or not one should risk waking the household by flushing the toilet late at night. Surely guys everywhere could benefit from such advice. Two more spots after the jump.