I can’t believe it’s actually Fabio on the line

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Want a phone call from Fabio? Didn’t think so. Still, he’s still offering one, presumably to talk you into participating in some contest to find a secret island. If you find it, you’ll be flown there for a fabulous vacation, whereupon you’ll probably meet Fabio, and he’ll talk your ear off about the same damn butter-type product he’s been shilling since I was in middle school. But I suppose it beats what he’s been doing since his 15 minutes ended; according to Henry Rollins, Fabio spends his days at a Gold’s Gym in California, offering to spot any female unfortunate enough to wander into his field of vision. Creepy.

—Posted by David Kiefaber