Subtly clever, sublimely crafted storytelling that tenderly tickles the funny bone, delights the intellect and pokes gentle fun at our everyday follies and foibles. You'll find none of that among the five finalists in Doritos's sixth annual Crash the Super Bowl contest for user-generated ads. As usual, asinine antics and broad buffoonery reign supreme. Two of the spots will air during the Super Bowl XLVI broadcast, but only the top vote getter (by Jan. 29) will earn its maker a cool $1 million and a contract to work on a second commercial with production team The Lonely Island. Perhaps inspired by last year's grand-prize winning "Pug Attack," pooches play key roles in three of this year's finalists, although of course the contest generates mostly dogs every year. (Ha ha! Subtle.) Check out all five spots after the jump. Each is amusingly stupid, but three really stood out for me. "Bird of Prey" amuses with its office drone going insanely aviary (flapping his arms, cawing and pecking) when Doritos are nearby. Reminds me of my own demeanor in the workplace. The doofus dudes in "Hot Wild Girls" are well cast, their bro-banter is righteously inane ("relax, muchacho"), and their comeuppance at the claws of vicious Rottweilers seems well earned. And it's tough to resist the (deliberately?) cheesy effects of "Sling Baby," which taps into two familiar ad motifs—cute kids being cute, and seniors providing comic relief. Will it generate complaints of abuse for depicting an infant's voyage via elastic harness? I predict it'll take first place. When it comes to pleasing viewers, babies lead the pack. Sorry, bitches.