Feel-good stories filled with compassion, redemption and second chances. How I hate them. Case in point: Ted Williams, the ex-radio announcer from Ohio with the velvety voice, who was living on the streets and turned to crime to support his drug and alcohol addictions. After being profiled in the local press, he’s an “Internet sensation.” And since this is America, TV appearances and advertising work naturally followed. For the latter, he’s been tapped for voiceovers by the socially conscious, altruistic folks at Kraft Foods and Crispin Porter + Bogusky. “We were in the unique position to help Ted use his voice to gain employment and help our campaign,” a kind-hearted company spokesperson explained. “We’re thrilled to help Ted on his journey.” Awesome, now he’ll have lots of cash to get drunk and high—and probably squire January Jones to the Emmys. Kidding, of course. Contemplating his comeback makes me feel all warm inside—though it could just be heartburn from that Mac & Cheese I had for dinner. Again, kidding. Good for Ted! He’s a trendsetter turning the American Dream on its ear. After all, most folks get hooked on booze and blow and watch their lives spiral out of control after becoming celebrities.