Employees offer impartial Taco Bell defense

Taco-Bell

Taco Bell keeps swearing its seasoned beef is 88 percent real meat, and its latest ads—touting the Crunchwrap Supreme, on special this week for 88 cents—feature employees who were ground up and served in chalupas to prove it. Kidding, of course. Subsisting on their meager hourly wages, team members are far too scrawny to satisfy most healthy American appetites. Anyway, the company’s been under fire over its ingredients for some time, and it’s the target of a class-action lawsuit that alleges its meat is only 35 percent beef. Who better to refute such detractors than folks whose livelihoods depend on their continued employment at Taco Bell? Their testimony is unimpeachable! I guess their assertions aren’t utter bull—just mostly bull, with some filler. The lettuce is styrofoam, by the way. Taste it and tell me I’m wrong!