I don’t know why I should be so amazed about the depths to which licensing has sunk, but could you take a moment and ponder this box of limited edition American Idol Pop-Tarts? They actually feature blue frosting with white stars and red-and-white striped filling! Forget burning the flag—our children are eating it! I’m ashamed to admit that last night with a tired 7-year-old in tow at the supermarket, I actually acquiesced to his demands and bought them, in a purchase that will live in infamy at our house right alongside the time we bought Fruit Roll-Ups that leave temporary tattoos on your offspring’s tongue. But Pop-Tarts have to be the worse transgression, as they are the apex of junk food—featuring colors not found in nature, no nutritional value, and the ability to never go bad even after decades in the cupboard.