Memo to Dunkin’ Donuts: The spots starring washed-up KISS guitarist Ace Frehley, faded supermodel Naomi Campbell and über-annoying Rachael Ray aren’t so bad, they’re good. They’re just bad. You’re close, but you’ve got to change the recipe! Here’s an analogy you might understand. A plain doughnut’s kind of bland. But add some sprinkles and creamy filling, and you’re talking lines around the corner. In other words, put Ace, Naomi and Rach in the same commercial. Any setup would probably work. Maybe they’re roommates on a reality show. Or cellmates. They can all wear KISS makeup. Maybe Ace snorts some powdered sugar and attacks Rach with his Les Paul. Use “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” It’s not a KISS song, but Ace won’t remember that. And yes, I just downed three iced lattes with extra sugar, and clearly I have no idea what I’m writing about anymore. Look, have you considered a free-coffee promotion? Those giveaways really drove traffic at Starbucks and McDonald’s.
—Posted by David Gianatasio