Chalky-skinned burlesque queen Dita Von Teese, last spotted soaking her ample bosom in Perrier, expands her range in this U.K. “Va Va Voom” spot (from Publicis London) for the Renault Clio by playing … oh, a peep-show stripper. Soccer legend Thierry Henry, no thespian himself, gets so aroused by Dita’s perfect, pasty posterior that he makes a face like he’s sucked on a lemon. Plus, there’s footage of Audrey Hepburn and Rhianna, both of whom keep their pants on—I think. And we’re treated to Marlon Brando mumbling, “I coulda been a contenda,” and Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie warbling, “Ground control to Major Tom.” The spot closes with a shot of the car hanging by its back bumper from a gallery ceiling. This quick-cut arty montage plays like someone (David Lynch on Percodan?) vomited our collective pop-culture nightmares on a screen. Which is to say: It’s so self-consciously wacky, it’s awesome. Work it, Dita! Rock on, David! Sell cars! Va va voom!