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Though it feels like the Super Bowl happened about three weeks ago, it’s almost time for the new NFL season. Which means, allegations of dogfighting aside, it’s time for Scott Mylin of SBC Advertising to upset his girlfriend Sheila by writing a song for Huntington Bank about how much he loves his champion Indianapolis Colts—a little bit more than Sheila, it turns out, who also finishes below Scott’s mother and, somehow, beef jerky. Here’s hoping Sheila is fictional.

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