Ad Suggests Laser-Guarding Ukrainian Women’s Private Parts

Entry by British soccer players would set off alarm

Bad news for all the hot women of the Ukraine and Poland: Your vaginas are going to need proximity alarms when England's soccer team comes to town. That's the idea proposed in this new ad from betting chain Paddy Power, which claims it's simply looking for ways to keep English players from being "distracted" by the beautiful women of those countries, which are co-hosting this summer's Euro 2012 soccer tournament. The ad suggests "fitting the girls with goal-line technology," which a scientist demonstrates by poking two fingers through a hole and then sniffing them. Subtle. Apparently, the hotness of Ukrainian women is a well-known danger in the soccer world. Last month, a Dutch ad drew fire from Ukrainian officials for joking that wives should keep their husbands away from the tournament because the local women were too sexy. That ad's proposed solution? Install a beer tap in your kitchen. Hey, sounds easier to set up than thousands of laser-guarded ladygardens.