The Worst Brand Extensions of 2013

1

Shaq Soda

766 votes
In a sea of questionable extensions, you voted this one the absolute worst. Basketball great Shaquille O’Neal played in 15 All-Star games, won seven MVPs and ranks sixth in points scored in NBA history. Surely, that qualifies him to make ... soda? Add one more stat for Shaq: most pointless idea.

2

Wine for Dummies Wine

745 votes
Follow us if you can: Wine for Dummies decided to make it so easy for dummies to understand wine that they just went one further and made the wine for all us dummies. Um, OK, we guess. But just how impressed will your guests be when you break out the $10 Pinot Noir?

3

Heineken Shoes

681 votes
In fairness to the Dutch brewmeisters over in Zoeterwoude, Heineken shoes don’t really look like this rendering. Rather, they resemble ordinary oxfords—albeit ones with green soles. Does that make beer-branded footwear any less ridiculous? Not according to those who voted in our survey.

4

Grumpy Cat Grumppuccino

674 votes
Even the most hard-hearted YouTube fans find it tough not to like this feline star—who could’ve done quite well with a line of, say, pet toys. But Grumppuccino? More than one person has noted that the mental image of coffee grounds might just be a little too close to what’s in the litter box.

5

Sega Air Freshener

673 votes
Leaving aside the question of what Sonic the Hedgehog or his friend Tails smell like after a good run, the bigger issue with this bizarre product is what qualifies one of the world’s most successful video game brands to make an air freshener. For your car.

6

Kiss Arena Football Team

542 votes
What does the most famous glam-rock band from the ’70s remind you of? Of course, football! As everyone knows, Kiss never met an extension it didn’t like (one estimate: more than 3,000 products). Gene Simmons’ latest revenue riff: The L.A. Kiss. Arena football is played on a smaller field, presumably also allowing for smaller minds.

7

Donny Osmond Home Collection

530 votes
Four decades ago, Boy Scout-wholesome Donny Osmond had a decent singing voice and made some gooey Christmas specials with his sister. If that doesn’t qualify him to design a collection of lamps and bedding, we don’t know what does.

8

Grateful Dead Skis

336 votes
Fifty-four people died in skiing accidents last year. While there’s no word on how many of them toked up before hitting the slopes, this legendary stoner brand/sports product combo seems destined to run into a tree.

9

Wu-Tang Clan Bicycle

413 votes
When the hip-hop superstars and pride of Staten Island, N.Y., rapped about “million-dollar deals, rollin’ on chrome wheels,” we presume they weren’t talking about a bike. But if you do happen to be hip to this ride, it’ll only set you back $599.

10

Team USA Curling-Themed Blankets

224 votes
We’ll grant that a winter sport and a blanket have some commonality. But even in the shameless realm of Olympics merch, this one seems like a stretch. (And who exactly wants to wear something on his back that looks like the target at a shooting range?)

The Best Brand Extensions of 2013