See all of this week's opening movies in a 60-second mashup here.
A fondly delivered catalog of gross-out jokes about virginity, alcohol and school, the original series of The Inbetweeners is what you might imagine a British TV version of American Pie would look like, or a cruder Freaks and Geeks. Judging from the red-band trailer, the movie is no exception, while also paying humble tribute to a 1970s tradition of transporting unseemly British sitcoms to Spanish resorts, the better to make even less seemly movie versions. (Meanwhile a U.S. reversion has already been made for MTV, and like the American Red Dwarf from 1992, it will inevitably end up as a shaming footnote in the careers of the young American actors featured therein.) But if you're a 13-year-old boy, this trailer may well be the funniest thing you will see all year, and if you watch the entire movie you will likely explode.
Three hot messes mistaken for her friends by the plus-size bride-to-be they used to bully at school are reunited when she asks them to be her bridesmaids. Which suggests Bachelorette would have been called Bridesmaids had Kirsten Wiig's endless behemoth not ploughed through the cinemas already. Really, really, really going for her opportunity to act all slutty is Sacha Baron Cohen's Australian wife, Isla Fisher; as her marginally less slutty gal pal, there's Matthew Perry's long-term girlfriend Lizzy Caplan; and as the blonde headliner, there's Cannes Best Actress award winner Kirsten Dunst, currently squiring starlet in the making Garrett Hedlund. In fact, the only lady not involved with an A-lister would appear to be the aforementioned plus sizer, Rebel Wilson, née Bridesmaids, coincidentally. Trailer says pretty funny, emphasis on pretty.
Hello I Must Be Going
Years and years ago, Melanie Lynskey was the other girl in Heavenly Creatures, the movie that lit the touch paper of the rocket that fired Kate Winslet into the stellar firmament, and, incidentally, Peter Jackson's best work. Now, in Hello I Must Be Going, she's playing a 35-year-old divorcée who moves back in with her parents. This is a premise that would once have screamed moist-eyed TV Movie of the Week (Lynskey's career path compared to Winslett's, let alone the movie's plot), but in our knowing age, the tale is transformed into a juicy comedy when our heroine is given a 19-year-old boy to seduce. The stuff of the dreams of The Inbetweeners, it looks to be both funny and touching, and with Blythe Danner on cracking form as Lynskey's mother, you now have another reason to go see it.
"If the good Lord let me live, I'll die in Detroit," is the plaintiff if gnomic cry at the end of Detropia, the latest documentary about the demise of Detroit. But Detroit is not actually entirely demised, as the folks featured in this kaleidoscopic trailer declaim in a powerful demonstration of the strength of local community spirit. Full marks to whoever coined the word "Detropia." Slavoj Žižek could not have done better.
Second doc released this week, Girl Model apparently follows the uneven relationship between a young model and the talent scout who finds her, in Russia, aged 13. Of interest chiefly to 13-year-old girls who want to be models and their utterly horrified parents.
Many people remember John Carpenter's They Live! for the endless fistfight between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David. The plot—that our minds are being ruled by mysterious overlords who control our every appetite—is now seen as old hat, because that is what we now call reality. In an odd turn of events, someone has elected to regurgitate the original satirical premise. The trailer for Branded boldly tells us that ads are the means by which our appetites are controlled by alien overlords. That the alien overlords are connected by invisible strings of glutinous viscera may be intended as an analog of how the Internet works, but it's a bit hard to tell. Featuring slightly dodgy effects, a satirical message from 1988, and Max von Sydow of all people, this is certainly a curiosity. But that's probably what you're supposed to think, at least according to this trailer.
The Cold Light of Day
Bored with Ryans Reynolds and Gosling? Don't worry, the new boy is in town. Henry Cavill is most famous for what he is about to do, which is appear as Zack Snyder's Man of Steel. He also once auditioned to be James Bond (deemed too young by Barbara Broccoli) and most recently popped up as Theseus in Tarsem Singh's Immortals. On that evidence alone, it is clear we are not talking about someone who looks like Louis C.K. The Cold Light of Day is the equivalent of his deb's coming-out ball, if deb's coming-out balls were by-the-numbers action flicks that look like palimpsests of ideas Alan Pakula regurgitated onto a napkin and discarded after a good dinner. Handmaidens to this auspicious moment in cinema history are Bruce Willis as Henry's undercover CIA-operative dad (by contract with the Gods of the 1980s, Bruce must play this role once a year) and Sigourney Weaver as some sort of ambiguous government person.