Just Asking

It would be a documentary. It would be called Why Talent Skips a Gene. It would be about the children of famous musicians (my dad was in The Kingston Trio). I would, of course, play myself.

The name of the movie would be It’s Gonna Be Awesome, and it would be stop-motion animated, and would feature the voice of Crispin Glover. Shirley Bassey would sing the theme song.

Mario Van Peebles. Not only is Van Peebles a great actor, but he would also take a lot of creative liberties in making the role as interesting as possible. He would have to. My ability to assemble a jet aircraft (and fly it) isn’t enough to carry a movie. My career in advertising would definitely have to be embellished. British Smoothie. Played by a young Roger Moore (The Persuaders and the first James Bond films). I’d love it if it were an adult video, and my porn name would be Cliff Hanger. I would be played by any actor sufficiently well endowed—and with hair. Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have that ringtone, courtesy of Verizon Wireless on my cell. I’m like Indiana Jones. Nothing stops me. Harrison Ford would play me, who else? Or Patton, for my relentlessness of good ideas and victory.