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I have only three weight-loss guidelines. No. 1: Don’t eat. No. 2: If you do eat, don’t eat a lot. And No. 3: If you do eat a lot, make sure it’s not chocolate cake.

If you’ve seen me, you know I don’t always follow those rules. And I think the Federal Trade Commission’s “advice” last week to the media on what constitutes a kosher weight-loss ad will fall on deaf ears, too. No, what our Obese Nation needs is more fried chicken.

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