Missed the pre-April Fools’ roundup? Recover from your Peeps hangover with another round of pranks.
Why does this not exist?! Lego presents the VacuSort, a vacuum that will both swallow your bricks and sort them. Never again will you feel the uncompromising agony of walking over a bunch of strays you didn’t bother to pick up because the task is just too daunting.
How badly does your business need Google? iSeeCars.com knows on which side its bread is buttered; its GShrine ensures that in addition to search engine optimization, Google is venerated with the devotion it deserves—lit candles and original content offerings. Save some of that prayer time for Saint Zuck.
In an unprecedented move, Netflix has finally followed the path of least resistance and acquired Seth Rogen entirely. Sorry, Amazon and HBO. Zach Galifianakis is still running free, though! Lock that down.
In weird pun action, Charmin launched a fake coffee brand, GoRoast—brewed for those who can’t wait to go. Smell those beans.
Production today may be faster, more democratic and higher in quality, but boy is it bland and impersonal. Thus inspired, and likely after spending way too much time watching Fuller House, Vidyard released its “most innovative product”: GoVHS.
Make a personal home video for family members or clients in less than two hours. All you need is a camcorder, a trusty tripod and a VHS tape; you’ll be filming yourself in 4:3 standard definition in no time. There’s no Instagram filter for true vintage!
Francis Ford Coppola Winery
Wine lovers will love this A.I. assistant, which is shaped like a wine bottle and features the nonplussed voice of the director himself. Keep it by your bed. Drink it when you’re sad.
Following intensive study and research, Fiverr’s managed to isolate entrepreneurial ambrosia, the “doer gene”—that little scrap of chromosomal code that makes you more likely to thrill at crossing something off your to-do, and less likely to entertain notions of failure.
No, you can’t buy the gene. But you can order the test! Think of it as 23andMe for people interested in ransacking the future, not the past.
Sick of poorly-sized clothing? In its ongoing efforts to ensure happiness for all, Zappos unveils its resizing service, equipped with super muscular dudes who will stretch your clothes out so you don’t have to.
Speaking of survival of the fittest, Australia’s biggest education comparison site has just released a new line of study: the Diploma of Human Survival. Whether the future you face is a robot uprising, or just ho-hum environmental collapse, you’ll most certainly find something handy in a curriculum that includes scavenging for food, avoiding detection and finding (or improvising) shelter.
All it’ll cost is 6.5 bitcoin or 12 large untainted potatoes. Given the course’s apocalyptically optimistic 72 percent survival rate, we think it’s worth the fee.
To promote its Baja Blast flavor, the brand’s plugging the Baja Bungalow, which basically lets fans live inside the concept of the Baja Blast: Think saltwater tanks full of sharks, tropical blast shower heads and an indoor hydro typhoon surf simulator. Okay.
As an accompaniment to Newegg Now, a weekly livestream it launched last year, Newegg is releasing an ASMR-focused (or autonomous sensory meridian response) video series.
“ASMR enthusiasts have been vocal about their desire for Newegg to bridge their affinity for tech with their love of ASMR-styled product reviews, so we wanted to show just how closely we’ve been listening,” said Alan-Sawyer Marcus Randall III, community outreach specialist at Newegg. “Our Newegg Now hosts, JC Bagnell and Trisha Hershberger, will extend their hosting duties to the new show, and we hope the ASMR community will enjoy this special new video series.”
This is actually a pretty good idea, actually.
Now home remodeling and design has its own cryptocurrency: HouzzCoinzz, “the newest way to shop for your home” and the unfortunately-named result of Houzz’s Initial Coin Offering. Though the crypto-space is full of true stories that manage to beat this handily—the WhopperCoin, say. Or Long Island Iced Tea’s timely decision to change its name to Long Blockchain.
Following its Redbox On-Demand offering and electronic sell-through service, Redbox introduces Walk-Up Movie Theaters, which will transform your kiosk experience into an actual movie-viewing jaunt, right on the sidewalk. Pack a picnic lunch and cozy up with that dude who’s always sitting on the curb!
Glamsquad and Wag!
In curious conjunction with Petco, Glamsquad and Wag! teamed up to offer blow-outs for masters and pets. I have the growing conviction that this is just an idea whose time has come.
The average person uses just 40 percent of their total bed space. Why not monetize the other 60 percent? Lucid Mattress introduces ShareBED, the Airbnb of communal sleeping.
High Brew Coffee
As a promising entry into our growing “why doesn’t this exist yet?” category, the coffee brand introduces Contact High Caffeinated Patch, a cold-brew caffeine patch with “two times caffeine and low acidity.” We’d wear that.
Clear communication is critical to good business; jargon is exactly the opposite of that. That’s why Logitech’s released Business Speak Detection (BS Detection), a software that uses facial recognition and vocal cues for signs of BS. Delightful.
Head and Shoulders
This is so cute! Head and Shoulders is finally expanding its product line, and it’s going for the lowest-hanging fruit: Knees and Toes.
Inspired by an Instagram comment about its own CEO’s chapped lips, Bulletproof introduces Bulletproof Grass-Fed Butter Balm, designed to “deliver unparalleled moisture, a long-lasting boost of energy, and increased mitochondrial function with just one application.”
That sounds scary … but also compelling, like a slather-on CRISPR that tastes like strawberry. The do-it-yourself video completely demystifies the concept, though.
You’ve heard of facial recognition technology. IFROGZ’s ear recognition technology is earwax-compatible and doesn’t care about your moles; never again will you spend cash on a high-tech set of earbuds that aren’t directly responsive to your own unique audio caves.
Creativity demands enormous stocks of brain power, which is why Adobe’s come up with Illustrator CC. Based on the insight that designers tend to doodle food they want when they hit a creative block, Illustrator CC gauges what you’re craving based on your designs … and connects with local restaurants to order the food item without leaving the app.
Lobster. That thing we’ve been drawing on the side of our documents all these years is a lobster.
Nissin Cup Noodles and Zenni Optical
The pair have partnered to launch everything Google Glass should have been, but failed at. These specs include a fan and a right arm that doubles as a detachable fork—not to mention high-quality lenses and instant hipster cool.
Somebody call Elon Musk. The flagship brand of KMG International, used for retail, refining, petrochemicals and well services in Romania, has launched the first Romanian space station.
Rompetrol wasn’t the only company to send something to space. What if the only thing keeping us from enjoying the greatest whisky on Earth … is Earth itself?
That’s the question Jameson asked when it decided to launch its whisky into outer space, with suit-up help from EVB. Maybe the entity that finds it will also find KFC’s space-launched chicken sandwich.
Say YOLO to fried nutrition! Swanson Health’s released Real Fried Food supplements, including a French fry multivitamin, a chicken nugget probiotic (“drives impromptu hand-slaps with strangers and smiles for days!”) and cheeseburger omegas. The only thing about this that bums us out is that you can’t taste all that goodness once it’s in pill form.
We all have to brush our teeth, and we all want to get rich without trying. Introducing Bitbrush. Created by a few folks at Deutsch, this inspired electric toothbrush mines Bitcoin while you’re brushing. Finally a product that takes our needs into account.
Only seems right to wrap mindfully after such a rich barrage of creative BS. Lululemon’s OM, the world’s most advanced mindfulness assistant, will also satisfy your yearning for all things natural—it is composed of a reclaimed rock. Namaste.