Adweek Picks the Year’s Most Bizarre Gifts

As you read this, Americans are in the process of buying $602 billion worth of presents. And thanks to the Web (where $82 billion of that money will be spent) “gift” can mean nearly anything these days. If money’s no object and taste is relative, ’tis truly the season for the most ridiculous items imaginable.

And just in case you can’t imagine, fear not: We did.

Tired of going hunting but having no place to get a real shot? The Home Depot is selling a portable bar in full camouflage for just $214. Why hand $300 to Apple for a plain-old iPhone when you can get a diamond-studded, 24-carat gold one ($8.1 million) from U.K. designer Stuart Hughes? And now that the credit card’s out, you might as well take a $78 million plunge by commissioning a personal submersible custom built by U.S. Submarines.

Speaking of personal, Dr. Gregory Buford’s holiday Mommy Makeover ($10K-$30K) includes a tummy tuck, lipo and a breast lift. “Traditional gifts come and go,” the doc told us, “but the benefits of plastic surgery last far beyond the holiday season.”

Well, regardless of how long they’ll last, here are the rest of our picks for the most eccentric, colorful and ludicrous gifts for 2013.

8

$385 – Lil’ Mynx portable stripper

Lil’ Mynx portable stripper pole comes with faux alligator case. “As a present, this is manna from heaven,” the company rep told us.

7

$325 – Private ninja lesson

Private ninja lesson from Cloud 9 Living is “a gift your loved one will defi nitely remember,” said evp Bobby Augst.

6

$100,000 – Zaffiro Iridium razor

Zaffiro Iridium razor “A really special gift,” said CEO Hayden Hamilton. And hurry, it’s a limited edition.

5

$25,000 – 1959 Corvette billiards table

1959 Corvette billiards table from (who else?) Hammacher Schlemmer features real working headlights for night play.

4

$36 – Recycled wood tie

Recycled wood tie from UncommonGoods is “the perfect gift for the eco-conscious.” (And the knot-averse.)

3

$1M – Falconry Companion

Neiman Marcus’ Falconry Companion comes with portable mew and Chatwin chairs. Falcon (and woman) not included.

2

$55 – Maschio dog cologne

Maschio dog cologne will “make you envy how good your dog smells,” said Dog Fashion Spa CEO Elena Volnova.

1

$5,978 – Numi digital toilet

Numi digital toilet by Kohler comes complete with heated seat, music and a touchscreen remote.