Ah, Cannes. The sun, the fun, the sex. Wait, given the burning worldwide economic recession, is anyone having fun, or sex, in advertising?

There is some sex, if not sun, in New York's SoHo. A racy outdoor board for Calvin Klein jeans has provoked outrage since it went up on Houston Street. Its nicely composed Stephen Meisel photo shows three young male models (in jeans only) and a topless young woman in unzipped jean shorts. One guy lies on the floor, his pants open to his pubic bone. The others are all over each other on the couch, forming your usual Calvin-esque group-sex tableau. A tumble of body parts, it's what he did in the '90s: so many limbs, so little time.

Indeed, when it comes to branding, Klein owns the image of the orgy. But to a generation raised on American Apparel and Abercrombie, what comes between you and your Calvins is less relevant. So, to sell denim now, Klein returns to his old standby of exposing the young and the nakey in unexpected numbers.

The we-brake-for-orgies ad did the trick in terms of free publicity. While the message for young women is certainly disheartening and negative, to me the whole thing seems tired and disingenuous, if not fundamentally dishonest. It's so obvious that the young woman is a mere prop, dropped into the picture to announce, "This is not a gay male ad, we swear!" If they really wanted it to resonate in an honest way, they would have upped the female ante, or removed the girl entirely.

By contrast, among the spots submitted to Cannes that also demonstrate "sexy time," as Borat would put it, a commercial for Durex condoms by Atlanta's Fitzgerald + Co. manages to be open, clever, inclusive and far more expressive and human than the Calvin Klein board -- all by using balloon (well, condom) animals.



No shame here as the blue and pink ones happily go at it from every angle, complete with squeaky-rubber sound effects. (I never realized balloon animals are indeed naked.) An orange balloon friend stands by shyly, but then is happily welcomed into the repression-free threesome. "Get it on" is the double-entendre tagline-a great way to combine "Just do it" with a health message. It's poignant and timeless, a thing of beauty. Give it a gold, I say.

From the barnyard bluntness of metaphorical farm animals, there's the cold, cybersexual Mentos Kiss Cam from BBH London. The entry video tells us the site "allows people around the world to experience the ultimate Mentos kiss." Users choose whom they'd like to swap spit with-a campy leading man in white riding a white steed or a Bond-girl type in a Bo Derek bathing suit. Kissers then move closer to the screen, as the cybercypher inside shadows every osculation.

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It makes the liplockers look like idiots. And doesn't it taste more like cathode rays and dirty metal than minty fresh? It reminded me of what futuristic sex might have looked like in the late '70s, along the lines of Woody Allen's Sleeper. Baked-potato foil, anyone?

BBH London redeems itself, though, with the hot on-screen coupling in the "Secrets & Lies" Levi's spot. An Angelina Jolie-type pushy girl ascends a staircase with a young sexy guy (she keeps hitting him, like Elaine). Both wear Levi's. The dialogue is as smart and well choreographed as their moves-they literally strip as they go, and come clean about their lies.
"My name's not really Zane," he says. "Mine's not really Lucia," she responds. It turns out he's not in a band, she doesn't work for a label, and he's been sleeping in his car. They get inside an apartment and really start going at it-with the jeans in a heap on the floor, she admits she doesn't really live there. Great acting, cinematography and direction. One of the best Levi's spots in a long time.

I'm also crazy about the "Break-Up Service" spot from TBWA\London for the Adidas "safety collection." It stars "Akira," an out-there Japanese uncoupler whose job is to "finish relationships that have died." As he buzzes around Tokyo at night on his scooter, an extra set of Adidas sneaks in his bag, we get a wonderful physical sense of the city's narrow streets and cramped inside spaces-and its ever-frustrated-in-love young residents.

Every word is poetic, including the break-up lines he delivers from out-of-love partners. ("You've carried my manhood too long. I'm taking it back.") "There are 8 million sweethearts in Tokyo," Akira says. "I could be doing this forever." And I could watch the series forever. It's human and delicate. It also makes me want to say, "Sayonara, Calvin."

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