Peta’s Latest Poster Makes Little to No Sense

By Matt Van Hoven 

Sometimes it’s fun to look at an ad and the things that can be derived from its message. Here today we have a poster for Peta (yes, it’s from Friday). Clearly, it’s aimed at fat or scared-to-be-fat people. But it really doesn’t make any sense whatsoever when you think about it and luckily we’ve made a convenient list of our thoughts on the matter.

It reads: “Save the Whales &#151 Lose the Blubber: Go Vegetarian”

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&#151 The article accompanying the ad explains that vegetarians are 20-30% leaner than meat eaters. But since the ad doesn’t point this out, we’d like to note that many whales (save for killers and those krill eaters) eat plankton and other ocean veggies. And they’re still pretty blubbery. Nothing like using a meaningless cliche to make your point.

&#151 But most whales eat fish or some kind of swimmy creatures, and many “diets” recommend that people eat a healthy diet including fish and meats. Portion control and exercise are the true path to healthiness, not cutting protein completely out of your diet so Peta is happier.

&#151 Fat people are made fat by fatty foods that may not have anything to do with meat. Like cheeses, hydrogenated oils, sugars and pretty much everything that comes with a #1 at McDonald’s, not just the meat. You know, like that starchy bun and the buy-one-get-one apple pies and that f*ckin dollar menu.

&#151 Clearly, Peta is unawares of America’s love of the hit show “Whale Wars” &#151 no one thinks it’s OK to kill whales and we’re fairly certain the market for whale related products (in the US and other semi-sane countries) is waning/non-existent. No, saving actual whales was not their argument. But saving whales is what their message propones (not a word), but no one is killing them. Whales in this case are fat ladies who are presumably killing themselves. See aforementioned and following arguments.

&#151 The copy clearly says “Save the Whales” but if you made a whale skinny that would not be saving it. That would be making it skinny. So the same goes for the fat ladies they’re speaking of; saving something generally means keeping it in the alive state it’s in, or keeping something the way it is: fat, in this case. And as far as humans are concerned, making one skinny would be to force him/her to fall victim to the body image crisis that plagues Americans every day. Sure, fattiness is bad, but so can be skinniness.

&#151 Protein is key to building muscle, and when you build muscle you consume protein and burn fat. Protein comes from either meat or really expensive pills from GNC, which btw sells legal steroids and everything costs a lot of money. And sometimes blubbery people don’t have a lot of money but they do have running shoes and some lean ground beef and some veggies and some low-sodium soy sauce which can sometimes lead to super-healty-but-kinda-weird beef stir fry after a long run and some push-ups.

Bottom line (and you knew this): Peta isn’t pimping a healthy lifestyle, they’re trying to prevent you from buying the kinds of meat that come from factories that mistreat the animals that become your dinner. And for some reason, Peta couldn’t just say this and now you’ve had to read this stupid post. Blame them.

More: “PETA Takes on Pamplona

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