Ahh yes, what better time to dust off the ol’ blind item category than with this little ditty that showed up in the tips box last night. A management supervisor at a certain fairly well-known San Francisco agency appears to be on the hunt for a husband, and by golly, she’ll crowdsource if she has to in order to land one. Is she “wookin pa nub” in all the wrong places? Well, only time will tell we suppose. As you’ll see below, there’s $10,000 up for grabs if it all works in the end. We’ve redacted the name, though, as we don’t to add insult to injury if this idea backfires (we’ve been told though that this is “dead serious” and that she’s “already gotten 100 potential dates”), so read on and take your guesses.
“Hi to my most favorite friends,
Remember that time I offered you $10,000 to find me a husband? Me neither. But we both will in about one minute and forty five seconds.
I just finished the book “Lean In.” And whether you’re a fan of this feminist social movement is neither here nor there. What is here is an idea that came to me after reading this book. I thought, “I get it, I need to sit at the table. I need to be deeply committed to becoming a leader.” Got it. I’m on it. And then I thought, “It’s 11PM on a Sunday night, I’m single, I just had to squirt dish soap on leftover pizza so I wouldn’t eat 2 more slices and this is the second self-help book I’ve read this month.”
And then it was as if Sheryl Sandberg and Patti Stanger bitch slapped me across the face with a soaking wet “stop being single” towel. If I wanted a new job, would I sit in the lobby of the employer’s building just hoping that someone would offer me my dream job? No. If I want a husband, will he just show up out of thin air and ask me to hang out with him for the rest of his life? No. Okay—maybe if I looked like Kate Upton. But I don’t. (However, in 2005 the freshman class of my sorority did say that Charlize Theron was my doppelganger. Yes, we might have been hazing them. Yes, they might have been blind folded. But they said it.) So yeah, I’m not Kate Upton. You get the point.
And so I’m writing you today because I’ve decided to make an aggressive action plan on finding that one fella that I get to hang out with forever. And I’ve recognized two things that are important to this plan: (1) a great percentage of marriages are the result of introductions by friends and (2) most people do not give a lot of thought about introducing one of their single friends to another one of their single friends. I get it. Introducing me to my husband is just not high on your to-do list. But I think I have an idea that might change that…
I will personally give ten thousand dollars to the friend who introduces me to my husband.
Here is how the referral program works:
Step 1: You set me up on a date with a man
Step 2: I marry that man
Step 3: I give you $10,000 on my wedding day
I know you’re thinking that this is nuts. Just plain crazy. “[Redacted], you can find a husband without dishing out $10,000.” Well for starters, thank you – I’m flattered. And secondly, I totally agree. But the reality is finding a husband always costs money. I just collected 1,000 insider points from Sephora and this isn’t because I buy beauty products to impress my 4-year old nephew.
To substantiate this offer, I have the complete support and admiration from my parents—who are both included on this email.
So, remember that time I offered you $10,000 to find me a husband? Me too.
Always and forever,