I wish I worked at Northwestern University, so I could conduct studies which conclude that “teenagers find online news troubling and a reminder of the world’s dangers. Meanwhile, time spent on YouTube or social networking and music downloading sites is a treat.” In related news, “O” is for “obvious.” Also possibly for “oblivious.” Somebody had to do research to make that determination? I find news sites way less stressful than social networks, probably because I’m too shy about my appearance to upload my photo or share any information about myself. (I use David Duchovny’s headshot and bio, circa 1996. Deal with it.) Hey, teens: If the news makes you jumpy, switch over to Facebook. The way the world is going, we may have to bring back the draft. Wouldn’t want you guys to find out, get all stressed and protest or anything. Ignorance is strength. War is peace. Ten-hut!

—Posted by David Gianatasio