Scotts Miracle-Gro dreams of gigantic birds

Since when did Scotts Miracle-Gro start marketing bird food? Since right about now, actually, in the form of a new product called Songbird Selections Wild Bird Food, Colorful Bird Blend. If the ad from ML Rogers can be believed, it not only attracts birds of every exotic hue—once again this week, plain old penguins are outta luck—but also unhinged ornithologists who lurk in people's back yards for a gander at our chirpy feathered friends. We're assured that "Scotts attracted twice as many colorful birds as ordinary blends," so fans of finch droppings should buy some, because nothing beats multiple plops on your coat as you rush off to work in the morning.