You might remember Scott bathroom tissue’s clog contest, where they asked for people’s cloggiest moments and promised $25,000 to the best, or most epic, one. Well, the votes are in, and the winner is Jim Holeva (shown here), whose father used a ski pole to help him dislodge what was described as “a situation.” (In a postmodern twist, Jim wrote the essay from his father's point of view.) But wait, so he dislodged a clog? That’s kind of anticlimactic. What’s weirder is that Jim, who is 23, called his dad on the phone in a panic about this clog, which strikes me as kind of hysterical. Nevertheless, Jim Holeva is truly an expert excrement expediter, with the 25 large to show for it. But how his story beat out the woman who dropped her dentures in the airplane bathroom and came out with a blue smile is beyond me.

—Posted by David Kiefaber