Probably the Best Ad Ever for a Used Wetsuit

A used wetsuit doesn't sound like a great thing to buy. But Dan Morgan does his best to flog his pre-owned Xcel suit in this hilarious eBay listing from the U.K. You have to read the whole thing, but here are some choice excerpts: • "You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle." • "I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man." • "I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits." • "There's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say 'oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback.' " The listing has gotten a ton of attention, and Morgan has decided to turn it into a charity auction, with 95 percent of the proceeds going to the Red Cross for relief efforts in Japan. Morgan says eBay contacted him about the profanity in the ad, and threatened to remove the listing, but hasn't done so—perhaps because of the charity angle. (Sadly, the photo of the urinating bear does appear to have been excised.) In the week since the listing went up, a smorgasbord of surf-related companies—including Xcel itself—have jumped on board, throwing in their own items which the winning bidder will also take home. There's even an associated Web site, BearsDontWearWetsuits.com, "brought to you by the idiot who listed the urine-free wetsuit on eBay." All of which makes you suspicious that this isn't a completely amateur stunt. If Xcel is indeed behind this, I don't want to know about it. UPDATE: After 113 bids, Morgan sold his used wetsuit for £8,999—of which he'll keep about £500, with the rest going to the Red Cross. Nice work, Dan. Also, since the listing will presumably disappear from eBay shortly, we've posted Morgan's original ad in full after the jump. XCEL 3-2mm Infiniti Drylock Summer Wetsuit Medium USED I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway. HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle. You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man. I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits. It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this. Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you. Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night. I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO. Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves. Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.

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Probably the Best Ad Ever for a Used Wetsuit

Dan Morgan jumps right in

Tim Nudd

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Tim Nudd