I thought Dave Barry retired ages ago. Does he wear a hairpiece? Geez, I haven’t had a mane like that since Steve Perry topped the charts. Anyway, Barry is running for president—or at least, that’s his premise over at McClatchy’s relaunched Web site on all things political. Barry hopes to pick Keith Richards as his running mate, though Journey frontman Perry is the hot washed-up rocker right now, and “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” has to be somebody’s 2008 campaign theme song. Says Barry: “I agree with the American public on everything.” With that platform, he should outpoll Dennis Kucinich, but that’s not saying much. The most brilliant riff on the American political system came in 1994, when Howard Stern ran for governor of New York. The shock jock ran on a real ticket (well, as a Libertarian, anyway), and for a time he was a viable contender, blurring the lines between content, commerce, entertainment and politics long before most of us had the Internet. Bottom line: If Dave Barry’s hair is real, and he shares his secret, he’s got my vote. Unless it involves stem-cell therapy, a topic best avoided in election years.

—Posted by David Gianatasio