You're just the average Heineken drinker. A 35-year-old hedge-fund manager who hit it big betting against the market in 2007. You're doing your jet-setting around the world thing, party hopping the most exclusive clubs in Vietnam and Nigeria. Because Thursday night is the new Friday night, and you work hard but you play hard, too. Anyways, of course the hottest ladies in the room are always gonna beeline it for you. Because come on, look at you, and because those private dance lessons you've been taking are really paying off. But see, it's just your luck that your would-be local flings always have jealous local boyfriends, who are also wealthy and thuggishly possessive. They don't take kindly to your grinding all up on their dates. It's cool, though, man, because, whatever, you're not looking for any trouble, everybody's just here to have a good time. You'll go sit at the bar and cool off with a Heineken, which by the way comes in this sexy new bottle, with a longer neck, instead of that old, stubby, chubby design you'd have never been seen holding in public.

When your global party circuit takes you back to New York—that is to say, to civilized society—where you're confident that stealing some mustachioed doofus's woman won't result in parts of your body turning up in seven different roadside ditches outside Ho Chi Minh City or Lagos, you're totally fearless, because what would 007 do? A little bad luck—or is it something more nefarious?—impedes and humiliates your rival. You meet your new dance partner at the bar. There, you'll each have a Heineken, bartender, because a $2 bottle of beer is definitely what the bombshell in the $10,000 dress at the cocktail party always finds most charming, cause she's just really cool and down to earth like that.

The spot is Heineken's latest from Wieden + Kennedy—and the first in its dazzling "Open Your World" campaign to come out of the agency's New York office (prior installments were created by W+K Amsterdam and by TBWA\Neboko). The ad was directed by Rupert Sanders, also director of Snow White and the Huntsman and, to the dismay of Twilight zealots everywhere, snogger of Kristen Stewart. The new bottle is already available in 170 markets, and is now coming to shelves across the U.S.

Yacht and pheromones not included.