Copywriter really, really wants his bike back

You know it's a good Craigslist ad when it starts out: "Some assmaster stole my custom made, heavy, rusty Bologna bike at 10th & C last night." The aggrieved author is Matt O'Rourke, recently of McCann-Erickson who is soon joining Crispin Porter + Bogusky. O'Rourke wants his bike back and is willing to give anyone who makes it happen $500. There's an extra $1,000 for the thief's "nads on a stick." The best part of the posting is when O'Rourke addresses the perpetrator directly, asking him to return the bike and adding this rather colorful alternative: "If you don't, I will call Dog the Bounty Hunter, Bobba Fett, and Bear Gryls, and they will have a 3 way, and that 3 way will produce a son, and that son will be raised by Tito Ortiz, and on his 18th birthday, he and I will come to your house, and fuck...