Michael Vick: Hey, what are you in for?
  Conrad Black: My role in a multimillion-dollar fraud at Hollinger International, the newspaper group I created. You?
  Vick: Had a sweet life in the NFL. Until word got out about the dogfighting.
  Black: Sport of kings.
  Vick: Exactly what I kept telling everybody. Oh, I killed them, too, if they weren’t good fighters.
  Black: I should’ve done the same to a couple of overly chatty finance types.
  Vick: What’d you say your name was?
  Black: Black. Conrad Black.
  Vick: Hi, Connie. I’m Michael Vick.
  Black: Guess I’ll call you Vickie.
  Vick: No you won’t.
  Black: Good lord, what’s that!?
  Vick: Wilber. My pet rat. Prison’s crawling with them.
  Black: It’s gnawing on my leg.
  Vick: That’s a fighting rat!
  Guard: Okay, mail call. Vick—contract from HBO for your life story and. Another offer from Warner books. Hey, Human Society newsletter?
  Vick: Activist judge.
  Black: What about my mail?
  Guard: Maybe next time.
  Black: Could things get any worse?
  Vick: Look! There’s a couple roaches by the toilet. Let’s train them to fight! Hey, Connie, quit kicking Wilber! You fight like a girl. My money’s on the rat.

—Posted by David Gianatasio