Who needs the romance and champagne of Paris or the bronze beauties and sweet papayas of Waikiki when you've got the inbred daffodil farmers and bean crock with cabbage bread of British Channel Islands like Scilly and Jersey? I'm booking my getaway today! But ... which isle to visit? For the love of god, which!? The two locales are in the midst of an advertising spat, since Jersey staked its claim as "the warmest place in the British Isles." Scilly is perturbed because it is officially recognized as the warmest spot in the U.K.—which isn't saying much, when you think about it—and it even disses its rival for being a second-rate "British Crown dependency." Kind of like Kate Middleton, I guess. Jersey has made questionable pitches in past ads, promising some years back that "our sandy beaches are always spotless," prompting the Ad Standards Authority to observe that "large quantities of untreated sewage had poured onto bathing beaches." Yo, sounds like New Jersey! All in all, a Scilly squabble. Ha ha! Oh man, I need a vacation.