Cabot Cheese has gone too far! “Cheese is a great alternative for Halloween,” a company mouthpiece told the AP. “While candy and other sugary treats hold no real nutritional value, cheese is high in calcium and protein, two nutrients essential to a child’s growing body. And kids love cheese.” There’s so much wrong with this, it’s tough to know where to start. This is almost as bad as New York City’s Healthy Halloween. What if the tick-or-treaters are lactose intolerant, or simply have unrefined palates? Now that Vermont’s Cabot has cornered the Halloween market, what does Wisconsin have to look forward to? (Sure the Packers are 5-1, but Favre turns 80 at midseason. Even though he’s a robot, he can’t hold up much longer.) Most importantly: You hand out cheese on Halloween, you know what those kids are gonna smear on your car and burn on your front porch around midnight? It sure ain’t Vermont cheddar.

—Posted by David Gianatasio